Apropos of nothing, I present “Speculations: Wine III”. You can read the rest of Speculations: Wine as well as its companion piece Speculations: Oil in the Spring 2012 issue of Dialogue. If you are not a subscriber and have no desire to be one, then you can download Speculations: Wine/Oil for $1.99 via Dialogue‘s new Premium Digital Articles offering.
Speculations: Wine
III.
If you refuse to eat beef Burgundy because of the wine, you might be a Mormon.
If you refuse to eat beef Burgundy because of the beef, you might be a Mormon.
If you don’t make beef Burgundy at home or order it in a restaurant but will eat it if served to you at a luncheon or in a friend’s home, you might be a Mormon.
If you make beef Burgundy at home with a non-alcoholic red wine, you might be a Mormon.
If you make your beef Burgundy with Two Buck Chuck and bring it to a rolling boil for a good twenty minutes, you might be a Mormon.
If you make your beef Burgundy with a California Burgundy and let it gently simmer for five minutes, you might be a Mormon.
If you make your beef Burgundy with a French Burgundy and take a quick sip before pouring the wine in, you might be a Mormon.
If you have a glass of wine along with your beef Burgundy, you might be a Mormon. But only as long as you either (1) feel as if you’re doing something totally transgressive, or (2) feel guilty about it afterwards. Or both.
If you make beef bourguignon instead of beef Burgundy, then you might be a Mormon. But you definitely are a food snob. Repent and snob no more!
If you make bÅ“uf bourguignon instead of beef Burgundy, then you served a mission to France. We’re so sorry. Now get over yourself and call it beef Burgundy like the rest of us.
A Motley Vision 
I’m definitely that last, even though I served in Montreal. Will do my best to get over myself.
I’m happy to hear it. 😉
I confess to having the palate sophistication of a 2-year-old. Really, there is no hope for me at this point.
If you have no idea what beef Burgandy even is, you might be a Mormon. 🙂
If you don’t know what beef Burgundy is, but feel slightly guilty when you make pot roast whose three ingredients are 1) beef, 2) onion soup mix, and 3) Coca-Cola, you might be a Mormon.
Good one, H.Bob.