Back in 2005, I posted a semi-humor piece called First lines for Mormon fiction. Back in June or somewhereabouts, it occurred to me that that same concept would be fun to use the motleyvision Twitter account for. I created the hashtag (a way to tag posts in Twitter) #LDSfic1stlines and started posting. A couple of other Twitter users thmazing (otherwise known as Theric Jepson) and chosha also got in on the act.
Twitter’s search functionality is kinda messed up (a bit ironic since the service just signed real-time search deals with both Bing and Google), but I was able to painstakingly grab most of the LDSfic1stlines that have been posted so far and have reproduced them below (not necessarily in chronological order). Here they are for your enjoyment — feel free to post your own in the comments or on Twitter (just make sure to use the hashtag so I’ll see them — or direct them to @motleyvision):
Wm: One fateful year, the Nielsens, as a show of solidarity with their Lutheran neighbors, gave up Jell-O for Lent.
Th: Porter Rockwell took a swig of his nonalcoholic whiskey and shyly waved at a lovely (yet modest) professional dancer.
Th: “Repentance is like soap!” LaVelle screamed at her husband. He removed the felt eraser & said, “Your mother’s right, kids.”
Chosha: Brent realised how far astray he’d gone when the Sacrament water suddenly resembled a tray of shots.
Wm: “I wish the Elder’s Quorum would stop assigning me home teaching companions who work for the CIA.”
Th: Call me LaMar.
Wm: The most difficult persons to haunt are: rock stars, actuaries, first grade school teachers and Mormon bishops.
Th: Janet felt the Spirit the first time she ever saw Jim, sitting up there being a lifeguard, glistening in sweat.
Wm: “AlooooooooooooooHa!” chorused the characters to the hip novelist. “Now leave us alone.”
Th: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was time for Primary.
Th: “I’d like to welcome you all out today,” said the novelist to his characters in an attempt to be hip and cool and postmodern
Wm: The day my goth sister turned in her mission papers was the saddest day of my life.
Wm: ….And that was how Sister Rasmussen learned that a Glock does sometimes jam on the ninth round.